An MSNBC poll has shown that the number one thing the country wants out of Congress is cooperation and compromise. After that, the country wants to raise taxes, lower taxes, cut entitlements, preserve entitlements, ban assault weapons, preserve the Second Amendment, oh yeah, and solve the budget crisis du jour. I just don't think we live in cooperative times, but I think Congress' inability to compromise is symptom, not a cause.
I blame sleep number beds. The idea that you can each have it your own way when it comes to comfort, or that you would even have different standards of softness and firmness, strikes me as perverse and goes a long way toward explaining Congress' inability to reach accord. Part of being married is learning to meet one another's needs, to compromise, adjust, redefine, feel empathy, all the same qualities one might wish for in a legislator. But prospective legislators are being lulled away from the need to cooperate by the false promises of sleep number beds.
Don''t be fooled by the advertisements suggesting the ability to set your own level of firmness somehow leads to happier marriages. Nothing could be further from the truth. Married couples learn they somehow don't have to compromise in a sleep number bed. If you can cruise by on setting number three while your spouse settles for number five, what other issues can you remain firm (so to speak) on? Maybe "I DON'T BARGAIN!" can become your new starting point for all negotiations.
"Do we have to have Tuna Helper again?"
"YES!!!!"
I'm pretty sure if you check up on your history, you will discover that sleep number beds came into being about the same time Congress became dysfunctional. Newt Gingrich was the Speaker. He did not use a sleep number bed himself. It seems he was worried about confusing his wife's number with any of the other numbers he had to juggle, but he helped promote the I DON'T BARGAIN ethos that has since pervaded everything.
Even though the beds started the whole thing, there are other causes as well. Our car, for example, has separate temperature controls for the passenger and driver side. Katherine likes to ramp up her temperature to ridiculous heights, while I keep mine at a steady 68. See what I mean? The separate controls were probably put there to promote compatibility and comfort, but I just see it as a kind of competition. Can't she see that my temperature is the correct one for any given moment? How can she stand it that hot?
I'm sure the same thing happens with sleep number beds. That's why I refuse to get one. I'm not sure my marriage would survive.
"Number 8! Why so hard? What's she trying to prove, just because I like it down around 3."
"3! He just set it there to make fun of my number. Just for that, I'll turn mine up to 10. That'll teach him."
See what I mean? No wonder Congress has trouble.
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This will provide no intellectual stimulation whatsoever but to provide humor. First - on the dual temperature controls in cars, have you ever seen the Simpsons episode where Marge and Homer cause a tornado in the car due to their temperature differences? If not, check it out on YouTube - it's fantastic. Second - my in-laws have sleep number beds. One is in the guest room, one in their room. Having no sleep number bed of my own, I was intrigued and was pumping my side up and down when we went to visit. I had no idea until the next morning that the remotes apparently were on the same frequencies and I was raising and lowering my father-in-law for a good portion of the night. :)
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