Friday, February 21, 2014

Growing Old

We Aren't Dead Yet!

I was putting off work on my latest project to idly scroll through all the lurid info, personality assessments, and random lists on Huffington Post when I came across an article by Yagama Shah entitled, "19 Reasons Getting Older Is The Best Thing That Can Happen To You."  Let me go through some of her reasons and explain why Yagama, obviously still in her twenties, doesn't know what she is talking about, because, in the words of my aunt, "Growing old is Hell."

SENIOR DISCOUNTS:  Okay, it's hard to argue with that.  I sometimes like to get out my lifetime national parks pass and just look at it.  On the other hand, it gets irritating waiting in line behind a bunch of fellow seniors digging through their fanny packs looking for discount coupons at the check out stand.

NOT WORRYING AS MUKCH ABOUT HOW THINGS WILL TURN OUT:  What?!  Would you mind explaining that.  The fact is that when you are a senior you realize early on that things are going to turn out a lot sooner than you would like.  I don't know about Yagama and her friends, but for me that is worrisome.

MORE MATURE RELATIONSHIPS:  As in look at that cute couple sitting over there on the park bench feeding pigeons.

LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING:  I hate to break this to you Yagama, but nothing could be further from the truth.   What you are saying is that when you look at me you are forced to the conclusion that "God, for that old geezer looks must not be everything.  How nice!"  My fellow old people still check themselves out in the mirror before climbing behind the bars of their walkers.

9:30 BEDTIME IS OKAY:  Hey, that's at least an hour past my bedtime.

DON'T CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK:  This one is a lot like the "looks aren't everything" reason.  Enough said.

FEWER MAJOR LIFE DECISIONS:  Get serious!  The decisions are still there, still as numerous, just more urgent.

DRESS FOR COMFORT:  Yagama must be referring to all those old people in jumpsuits, but that has nothing to do with age.   Jumpsuits are the best things to wear when sitting in front of slot machines in Vegas.

STABLE FRIENDSHIPS:  I would agree with that if it weren't for the fact that so many of my long time friends seem to be dropping dead.

CAN STOP KEEPING UP WITH TECH:  Jesus Christ!  We aren't dead and doddering yet.  See!  I'm writing this and I'm going to post it.  I would even make it look fancier if I knew how.

CAN SIT AT CONCERTS:  Perhaps, but I have to keep getting up to go to the bathroom.