The New Death Row Diet

Did you see in the papers the other day that state legislators in Texas are pushing an initiative to stop the practice of giving those slated for execution the right to order a last meal? Since Texas, under governors Bush and Perry, has executed more individuals than all the other states combined, this is a proposal whose time has come.

I'm sure when the practice of granting last meal requests was first introduced, penal authorities naturally assumed the requests would befit the low economic status of most of the condemned. They had visions of chicken flavored Ramen Noodles, Whoppers with cheese, Taco Bell specials when the home team scores enough runs, food scavenged from neighborhood dumpsters, and of course plenty of collard greens. But no, the condemned displayed alarmingly good taste. They opted for lobster, filet mignon, fois gras, baby asparagus, and french fries cooked in duck fat!

The last straw came just a week ago when the latest in a continuing string of the condemned ordered two chicken fried steaks, a pizza, gourmet ice cream, and other food stuffs too numerous to mention! The capper was that the ingrate did not eat a single bite! It all went to waste. Well, that is not exactly true. I suspect that the death row guards gathered around the largess and ate their fill as the lethal injection slowly took effect.

This was understandably too much to bear in a down economy and the Texas legislature leaped into action. I'm not sure of the provenance of the bill, but it is comforting to think that enlightened legislators around the country will take note as they introduce their own cost saving measures. Paul Ryan is already adding an addendum to his Plan for Prosperity and Eric Cantor is trying to figure out how to incorporate this spending cut into the next debt ceiling debate.

This is yet another reason why we can all be proud to be living in Amerika.