HOMELAND SECURITY

I have a baseball bat beneath my bed.
It's there to ward off unexpected guests.
Close by to grab and club them in the head,
At night it gives us both a carefree rest.

This whole idea, of course,  is more than laughable,
The thought of me with club in hand--then what?
To hit someone?  I'm just too affable.
That's why I keep the bedroom windows shut.

My well-armed friends will doubtless roll their eyes
And worry for my welfare late at night,
But every morning when I safely rise,
I have to think they're wrong and I am right.

There's danger lurking everywhere.
That's all right; I just don't care.